Christmas

While you're trying to hammer out details come January 2nd (Jeanne), I am frantically seeking the perfect gifts for the Holidays and a week before Christmas is probably the worst time to do so. I have never put forth so much elbow grease (and elbows) into fighting my way through the crowd just to get into Burberry or Banana Republic and not have anything for myself to show for afterwards (and yes, I am extremely selfish). I despise Christmas and everything that goes along with it, i.e. Christmas shopping. But then come Christmas day, I might sing a different tune, however, that largely depends on what gifts (yes, plural) are under the tree for me this year.

Bah humbug I say....

But alas, I am completely finished with my Christmas shopping, and hopefully, from now until Christmas, it's smooth sailing from here.

I do have another day at the office tomorrow to weather through, however.... *Sigh* Ho, ho, ho to me

Ignorant Assholes

So this morning, as I was happily walking to get breakfast with my coworker, Frances, we were accosted by a dirty black guy asking us for change. Here's how the conversation went:

Black Dude: "Do you have some spare change"

Me: "No"

Black Dude: "Do you speak English?"

Me: "WHAT?!"

Black Dude: "DO YOU SPEAK ENGLISH?" (all loud)

ME: "FUCK YOU, yes!"

Black Dude: "You should go back to your own country."

Before I had a chance to speak
Frances: "Why don't you go get a job; you're the one asking for change, ASSHOLE."

End Scene.

I find this scenario hilarious but very irritatingly familiar because ever since I came to DC 6 years ago, I have been accosted many times with unsolicited comments, usually presumptions about my sexuality often times based on how I am dressed and, unsurprisingly, they have all been from black people, or African Americans, if you want to be PC. Though I have many presumptions about black people (growing up in a predominantly Asian household, it's hard not to have been instilled without certain prejudices especially when those judgments are confirmed daily either on your nightly 10 o'clock news or in your every day New York Times), I do not feel the need to shout out "nigger" or "welfare recipient" 0r "theif" every time one crosses my path; I save those for my weekly KKK meetings (kidding).

It used to bother me because I don't say anything back out of fear, but in recently months, my mouth has a mind of its own and it simply can't stand that kind of injustice. Perfect example for which I am totally proud of:

Scenario - downstairs in the Metro at Tenleytown after a day of shopping by myself

Black Dude (with his girlfriend): "Faggot"

Me: "I'm sorry, what the fuck did you just say?"

Black Dude: "You heard me"

Me: "Yes, but I prefer you say it to my face like a man"

Black Dude: "Faggot"

Me: "Well, unlike you, at least my mother didn't raise me on food stamps and welfare checks."

Metro doors open, and I give him the finger.

End Scene.

I hate ignorant people.

House Hunting...

Sucks my ass...yet, it is intrigueing at the same time. The ability to see all these different houses and all the opportunities to judge another man purely based on his ability (or inability for most cases here in DC) to decorate is pure entertainment. The crappy, shitty part is having to walk from one open house to the next; walking, clearly, does not suit my personality or my clothes.

Jonathan and I have long made the decision to move out of our 2 BR Rockville dwelling and back into the land of civilization; but before two months ago, this decision had been more of a dream rather than a tangible action. We have always said, "yeah, it would be nice not to sway back and forth 8 hours a week just commuting to and from work", and "it would be nice not to have to sit in a crowded subway car smelling the occassional wafts of bad odor eminating from some gym bunny too scared to take a shower at the gym fearing that he might have a 'gay' moment or, worse, being checked out by a 'homo'". But something, I have yet to figure out what, prompted us to move and, for once, to do what we had said we were going to do.

So as the journey begins, I have to say, "Thank f-ing God for Craigslist." This man, "Craig", and his "list" both should win a Nobel Prize in every and all catagory because it is just that awesome. Not only does this Craig character has a list full of up-to-date real estate listings, but also a section on Used Funitures, Cars for Sale, Rants and Raves, and my favorite, Casual Encounters for Men Seeking Women, Women Seeking Men, Women Seeking Women and Men seeking Men. It is wonderful; why? Because it is pure trash and entertainment - It's better than reading a romance novel. What Danielle Steele calls a "throbbing member needing attention" turns to "big hard cock needs sucking and swallowers step to the front of the line," yes, it is that classy. I always find it so entertaining to go through those listings advertising their privates (and yes, they have pictures now of their "throbbing members") and sharing their newly contracted STDs with their fellow mates. My personal favorite is "Cocksucker needed. If chemisty is right, prefer to bareback. Disease Free and U B 2". Okay, let's dissect this entry for a minute. "Cocksucker needed", sure, that's pretty self-explanatory; he's a little horny and he needs his dick sucked by a willing mouth. Fine. "If the chemisty is right, prefer to bareback. Disease free and U B 2" is the part that I'm having a hard time with. For those of you who are not down with the "gay-lingo", barebacking means fucking without a condom. That's fine, some people are into that, but don't tell me that you are disease free and that I have to be, too. What?! Are people serious with that crap? Hmm, I think I'll get AIDS today, I think I have an hour to kill for lunch, why don't you host an AIDS feast. I'm sorry, no rubby, no touchy; that's my rule. Besides, I don't enjoy being called a "cocksucker". I know who I am, but the world doesn't have to know I'm a fellacio freak; thanks, but no thanks.

But I've digressed. Craigslist is amazing and Jonathan and I have applied to one stellar place, and I say stellar because this apartment is located on 17th St. in Dupont where it is gay central, and even that is the understatement of the century - On the same street, you have three gay bars, three gay clubs, homo-galore, and lots of trannies; it's like Chelsea, but not as chic and minus the fishy smell.

Well, that's all for today. If you haven't checked out Craigslist, do so. They may even have a Craigslist for your city. Horray for trash.

Soy is for Sissies

Okay, being Asian, I know the importance of the product, soy, in our diet; it's what keeps Asians skinnier, healthier and, for the lack of a better word, superior than our non-Asian brethren. However, allegedly, soy is also the cause of why Asians are so "feminine" and the reason why I, apparently, am gay.... someone should tell my parents that being gay is neither a choice nor is it hereditary - it's, in fact, dietary.

People are sooooo special....

http://www.wnd.com/news/article.asp?ARTICLE_ID=53327