I'm so depressed......
I AM FAT!
Now that I have that out of the way, I can continue on with my entry. How did I come up with this realization, you ask? Well, let me tell you.....I went to the gym today and joyfully pranced through my usual routine. I haven't been as strict about going to the
gym as before because I was seeing results - abs are showing through, calve muscles are now visible, and my ass, well, no complaints there in that department yet. So feeling a bit confident, I started to slack off from going to the gym 6 days a week to...haha, yes, 2-3 times a week, and I also started to eat less and less healthily. I don't know why this came as a surprise to me when I hopped on the scale and saw 1-8-3 flash in front of me. With a chuckle, I dismissed the reading as mere miscalibration on the machine's part so I happily stepped off to adjust the calibration just to find that there was nothing wrong; it was, in fact, my extra love handle the size of a giant tumor hanging from the side of my hip causing it to weigh in close to 185 which is half way to 190 which is 10 pounds away from 200 which is obese for an Asian person. Yes, the word behemoth comes into mind when you say Howard.
183, MY GOD that's huge! That's 1/10 the weight of a baby elephant... god I'm an elephant! Goodness...I have never been more grossed out...oh wait, yes I have and it all happened during the same escapade to the gym....
So there I was depressed and contemplating locking myself in the steam room to burn off the lard when I saw the most disgusting, disturbing thing of my life. I was getting re
ady to hop into the shower when this beefcake came next to my locker, which I immediately dismissed as beefcakes are not my type. I paid him no mind until he decided to drop trouse....and OH MY GOD, let me tell you, his penis was the single most massive thing I have ever seen (other than my love handles, of course). My jaw dropped to the floor, which is still probably two inches shy of his massive naughty bits. The grossest part is that it was soft, flaccid, whatever the PC term is these days . I could not stop staring at it, of course, by the lack of a black eye, I say I did a pretty good job at not making myself too obvious, but then again, it wasn't that hard as I had to keep kicking it away so it would stop spilling over to my dressing area. I mean, how is that possible? Nature could not have been more cruel to this poor, poor man. Even though we live in a society where a man's masculinity is measured by the size of his one-eyed snake, I can't see anyone being proud of having something like that. It's like having a third arm (I refrained from saying "third leg" as that's just too easy...) or a police baton permanently attached to your pelvis region; it's a handicap, or I would even argue that it's as far as a mutation. Where would you go to the bathroom? I mean, God honest truth, this man's penis hung half way down to his knees. The distance between your ass and the water floating in the toilet bowl is only so far, how does this man shit? OOOKkkkaaaayyyy....My goodness I'm grossed out and with vomit in my mouth, I will stop here for sake of humanity.
Now that I have that out of the way, I can continue on with my entry. How did I come up with this realization, you ask? Well, let me tell you.....I went to the gym today and joyfully pranced through my usual routine. I haven't been as strict about going to the
gym as before because I was seeing results - abs are showing through, calve muscles are now visible, and my ass, well, no complaints there in that department yet. So feeling a bit confident, I started to slack off from going to the gym 6 days a week to...haha, yes, 2-3 times a week, and I also started to eat less and less healthily. I don't know why this came as a surprise to me when I hopped on the scale and saw 1-8-3 flash in front of me. With a chuckle, I dismissed the reading as mere miscalibration on the machine's part so I happily stepped off to adjust the calibration just to find that there was nothing wrong; it was, in fact, my extra love handle the size of a giant tumor hanging from the side of my hip causing it to weigh in close to 185 which is half way to 190 which is 10 pounds away from 200 which is obese for an Asian person. Yes, the word behemoth comes into mind when you say Howard.183, MY GOD that's huge! That's 1/10 the weight of a baby elephant... god I'm an elephant! Goodness...I have never been more grossed out...oh wait, yes I have and it all happened during the same escapade to the gym....
So there I was depressed and contemplating locking myself in the steam room to burn off the lard when I saw the most disgusting, disturbing thing of my life. I was getting re
ady to hop into the shower when this beefcake came next to my locker, which I immediately dismissed as beefcakes are not my type. I paid him no mind until he decided to drop trouse....and OH MY GOD, let me tell you, his penis was the single most massive thing I have ever seen (other than my love handles, of course). My jaw dropped to the floor, which is still probably two inches shy of his massive naughty bits. The grossest part is that it was soft, flaccid, whatever the PC term is these days . I could not stop staring at it, of course, by the lack of a black eye, I say I did a pretty good job at not making myself too obvious, but then again, it wasn't that hard as I had to keep kicking it away so it would stop spilling over to my dressing area. I mean, how is that possible? Nature could not have been more cruel to this poor, poor man. Even though we live in a society where a man's masculinity is measured by the size of his one-eyed snake, I can't see anyone being proud of having something like that. It's like having a third arm (I refrained from saying "third leg" as that's just too easy...) or a police baton permanently attached to your pelvis region; it's a handicap, or I would even argue that it's as far as a mutation. Where would you go to the bathroom? I mean, God honest truth, this man's penis hung half way down to his knees. The distance between your ass and the water floating in the toilet bowl is only so far, how does this man shit? OOOKkkkaaaayyyy....My goodness I'm grossed out and with vomit in my mouth, I will stop here for sake of humanity.
posted by Max E Pad at
2:22 PM
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